Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Some Anxiety.

For the past six months, I've puttered along, trying to push the mommy worries aside and just enjoy the kids.

Time's up--Friday we face our next cardiology appointment. I don't have much hope that he will be calm during the ultrasound. So we may be going for a sedated ultrasound/ECG at a later date. Mommy dread commences.

He's so busy and eager and full of joy, I fall in love every time I see him. Tonight, he toddled away from me, looked over his shoulder, paused, giggled at me, toddled again, looked over his shoulder paused and giggled, repeated the process until he fell on the floor just as he was moving out of my sight. He is an amazing little guy.

I don't want to ever smother him or his sister with my worries--and oh my goodness how I worry. Sometimes I'm incredibly hacked off that my beautiful little guy will have to deal with this for his entire life. And sometimes I wonder if I'm to blame somehow--was I so stressed after the fire that I caused this malformation.

Maybe it's the dread/anticipation of the appointment that makes the anxiety so strong.

Here's hoping for a good report on Friday.

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At 5/21/2008 8:42 AM, Blogger Paula said...

Good luck for Friday.

At 5/21/2008 9:16 AM, Blogger Jennifer said...

Here's to a good report on Friday!!!

At 5/21/2008 10:30 AM, Blogger Catherine said...

Don't even start with me woman. I know that self-doubt...that guilt. But you know the truth. Sometimes bad things just happen and there is NOBODY to blame.

Can't wait to hear good news!

At 5/22/2008 4:13 AM, Blogger Janet said...

Ah , the worrying. I drive myself nuts with it. All. The. Time. I can't ever see a time when I will stop (but I hope I can step back a little once they turn 40 or so :))

If it helps though I can absolutely, emphatically, positively, 110% assure you that nothing you did (or didn't do)caused or contributed to Kian's condition and don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.

I'll be thinking of you Friday, fingers crossed. Hugs.

At 5/27/2008 7:11 AM, Blogger Nicki said...

Hope it went well {{{hugs}}}


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