Friday, September 11, 2009

I know what is wrong with me.

Okay, well maybe not completely, everything that is wrong with me.

But I know why I am so stressed about this house thing.

Almost two and a half years ago, once Kian was actually born after our house fire, I remember I was still on the operating table and I looked at Chas and thought, "We did it. He's here. He's healthy. Everything is going to be all right." I thought we could ride off into the sunset, a happy little family with no big worries except needing a bigger home and the usual worries about parenting decisions. I know and I knew then, that life isn't really like that. It is full of struggle and setbacks in addition to the love and joy. But I wanted to believe that things would, mostly, be fine.

Then two and a half weeks later, we discovered his heart problem.

Now, I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop right now. I'm waiting for the bad hiding in the great good thing that is about to happen.

I hate feeling this way. (in the sense that I can't protect my family from everything and also that my happiness is tinged with some anxiety over some nameless fear that is baseless other than the fact that life is full of hardships and they happen at some time or another).



At 9/11/2009 7:45 AM, Blogger Jennifer said...

I'm nowhere near any kind of mental health professional, but do you think part of the problem might be some post traumatic stress disorder? I'd have to say what you're feeling is not the least bit uncommon after the kinds of things you've gone through. And now with the house stress on top of it....

If you haven't considered it already, think about counseling. I scheduled a few sessions right after I lost my job and it helped me tremendously. Sometimes having a neutral third party to "dump on" can really put things in perspective, and make you feel like you're not completely unloading on the people closest to you. Good luck!

At 9/11/2009 8:22 AM, Blogger Catherine said...

May the biggest worry you have be a leaky faucet, a failed toilet, or a malfunctioning furnace. Oh's EVERY homeowner. :o)

It's not without stress...that's true. But like everything's going to be so totally worth it. I promise. {{{hugs}}}

At 9/15/2009 3:43 PM, Anonymous Maternity lady said...

I think we have all been there but you gotta relise things like this makes us stronger !


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