Thursday, June 22, 2006

Worst habit discovered:

Need to control and fix things. Dear Jeanette unintentionally pointed it out to me in a post on CBB. She was very kind about another of my young cousins being deployed and said, "Make this an important opportunity to learn to 'let go'. Definitely beyond your control. On the other hand, it doesn't hurt to bend the ear of the Mother Goddess, she certainly will understand.Know my prayers are added too." (Thanks Jeanette!)

But there it is staring in me in the face: I can't stand it when things are beyond my control. I'm always at odds with things because I can't let go. I need to fix, protect, shape or reshape to suit my opinion of what is right.

Let go. So very hard to do.

I remember reading Pilgrim's Progress and reaching the stage where the pilgrim left things to God. A prayer book I have buried somewhere in the basement has a lovely prayer about leaving troubles to God. All so soothing. And so hard for me to continually maintain that state of mind. I try, and maybe acheive that sense of peace for a brief spot, then something happens and I feel the need to be more active. And that carries over to times in which there is nothing I can actually do. I become restless and filled with worry.

See. WIP.


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