Saturday, January 06, 2007

This Post would be a Crabby Rant...

but I'm too tired to work up a solid rant.

In the simplest terms, this first (albeit partial) week is not boding well for a good 2007.

The four days of work this week were grueling, draining, exhausting and emotionally charged. I'm not sure I can do this much longer. I love what I do. I'd like to think I sometimes managed to help people (whether they appreciate it or not). I'm not in anyway perfect at it, but it is satisfying. Maybe it is the pregnancy making this more tiring, but I just don't know if I can keep this up for another year. Some days this week, I haven't even been certain I could make it until the baby is born.

Chas has had to spend a lot of time blogging for AOL this week as we are in the middle of Bowl Season. This means that I should be taking care of Angie on my own so that he can work. I don't resent it because it is the perfect job for him--it's really wonderful to see him so happy with a job. We also need the money this extra work will bring. But being the primary parent on Angie duty means I get very brief breaks and no time to unwind. It just adds to the exhaustion.

Speaking of which, I'm also frustrated that I will not have enough time to cover maternity leave, which means that once again, I'll be cutting it short and returning to work early. I can't go unpaid to finish off the time because I am the main provider and the source of our insurance. We currently have a leave donation program at work where other employees can donate time to me, however, my boss has warned me that the program is being abolished with the creation of a new employee manual. I have to be out or nearly out before anyone can donate time to me.

If I go unpaid, I have to pay the county the full balance of our insurance premiums ($1200 per month) in addition to our portion ($170 per month) to maintain our health insurance. So not only do I not get to leave my job and spend quality time with what will be my last child, I'll have to return to work so that we can still afford to go to the Doctor and get medicine and pay bills. It's just not what I want to do, but it is what I have to do. I'm just trying to reconcile myself to this fact and it isn't helping my mood.

We've had a few other minorly annoying things pop up. Chas is confident we can resolve them, but in my current state of mind, I just worry and worry and worry.

Plus both Chas and I have so much to do in order to recover from the fire and move this little family forwards that I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed.

I stitched on the Tree of Hope tonight because I was sorely in need of some hope tonight. I'll just have to brace myself if this is how 2007 is going to be.

I'm grateful for the good things in my life, really I am. Right now, I'm just so tired and tense.

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At 1/06/2007 10:47 AM, Blogger jymisgurl said...

Lots of hugs! Everything will work out in the end! Sendind good thougths your way.

At 1/06/2007 11:42 AM, Blogger Kelly said...

That is a lot of weight and pressure for one person to deal with. I hope that you can find small moments to breathe! I wish you moments of peace to get you by.

At 1/06/2007 4:33 PM, Blogger Jamie said...

Good luck! I won't start on my rant about pregnancy leave and why the amount a woman is given sucks - but it does. Good luck with everything. You'll make it through.


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