Grumble

Sometimes I think we need to believe in hell because we need to believe that people will be punished for their rotten behavior when there is no way they will be adequately punished in this life.

I itch, therefore I feel a bit grumbly

Well the shrimp was lovely. Chas and Angie decided to have a treat so shrimp it was. Very tasty, prepared all sorts of ways, each just as yummy as the other.

That was Friday night, following a seminar at which I was a main speaker.

Saturday Morning I woke up, drove to some errands, glanced at my arms and noticed red bumps appearing.

Sigh.

Got worse, took the generic benadryl we have and felt slightly better.

Sunday, still red and itchy. Drove to see lots of homes with a realtor (More about that later). In and out of houses and the car. Hot, red and itchy. Arrived home, desperate for more benadryl, discover that our package expired in September of last year! (And our calamine lotion expired in 2005).

Today, go to work. Heavy docket. Red and itchy. Somewhat grumpy.

Call doctor. Make an appointment for the end of the day. The Doctor says, "So was that shrimp good? Are you done with Shrimp now?" She decides that the best course of action is a shot. In my posterior. The nurse makes me stay after for a bit to make sure there are no cross reactions. I reassure him and wander home. I also take one of the Claritin samples, but don't take two as recommended by the Dr. because I'm worried about side effects--but really do I want know exactly how much more red, itchy and swollen I could get?

I am now itchy, blotchy, grumpy and red. I don't think the edge has been taken off. The shot takes 24 hours to really kick in. Can't stitch. Want to stitch. Can't focus enough to stitch. I hope the treatment works, because this is excruciating.

Darn, delicious, delectable shrimp.

As I eagerly Await the Primary Election Results....

My main thought is: We really need to have elections in July.

Perhaps it was the block of ice encasing my car.

Perhaps it was the terrifying drive home during rush hour.

Or maybe it was the sheet of ice covering the parking lot outside the polling station.

Or the sharp, painful, freezing rain attacking my face as I returned to my car.

Or maybe just all of the above.

I love voting. I love the potential for change. I dislike the pettiness, but I love entering my selection.

In this country, women have had the right to vote in national elections for less than 100 years and I cherish my ability to cast a ballot.

But really, is it too much to ask to be able to vote when the weather is somewhat more likely to be pleasant?

Reasons #45 and #46 for why I hate renting....

After the fire and while we still lived in the temporary apartment, the landlord put in a new roof (rather than painting Angie's room which still has soot stains around the vent). To be fair, it did need a new roof. However, I have been pulling piles of rusty roofing nails out of our driveway (in addition to the bits of broken glass I keep finding). They know we have a child. Why couldn't they be bothered to ensure that our yard would be safe for her?

And then lets discuss what they did to the flower beds.

On the shady side, they dropped screws from the old gutters. In the course of planting this year's bed, I've found at least thirty in the front of the bed. I haven't managed to dig much around the very ugly shrub at the back of the bed.

On the sunny side, they placed a large pile of rounded stones at the base of the drain, wich covers some of the vines and the wild strawberry, but was necessary. However, directly in the middle of the bed, where I had several pretty flowers, they piled a huge mound of dirt. Not soil from another part of the bed. Sandy, yucky dirt with rocks burying my flowers. The tiny rubies dianthus blooms every year as does my other dianthus. Somehow they managed to just miss the hydrangea I planted last year. Why couldn't they throw the dirt behind the other ugly shrub (the twin to the one on the shady side)? Then at least it would have killed the weeds rather than actual flowers because nothing grows in this dirt.

I must remove this mess before I can plant on the sunny side.

And they tore down the wooden window box leaving a ragged edge and then painted it a darker shade of grey than the house (which has white trim). I had flowers in a coconut liner. They were just tossed to the side in an unattractive lump.

They seem to have a sentimental attachment to this house (it belonged to the wife's parents I believe) but you would think that they attachment would lead to some sort of desire to keep the property attractive and in good shape (don't even ask about the condition of the driveway).

This Post would be a Crabby Rant...

but I'm too tired to work up a solid rant.

In the simplest terms, this first (albeit partial) week is not boding well for a good 2007.

The four days of work this week were grueling, draining, exhausting and emotionally charged. I'm not sure I can do this much longer. I love what I do. I'd like to think I sometimes managed to help people (whether they appreciate it or not). I'm not in anyway perfect at it, but it is satisfying. Maybe it is the pregnancy making this more tiring, but I just don't know if I can keep this up for another year. Some days this week, I haven't even been certain I could make it until the baby is born.

Chas has had to spend a lot of time blogging for AOL this week as we are in the middle of Bowl Season. This means that I should be taking care of Angie on my own so that he can work. I don't resent it because it is the perfect job for him--it's really wonderful to see him so happy with a job. We also need the money this extra work will bring. But being the primary parent on Angie duty means I get very brief breaks and no time to unwind. It just adds to the exhaustion.

Speaking of which, I'm also frustrated that I will not have enough time to cover maternity leave, which means that once again, I'll be cutting it short and returning to work early. I can't go unpaid to finish off the time because I am the main provider and the source of our insurance. We currently have a leave donation program at work where other employees can donate time to me, however, my boss has warned me that the program is being abolished with the creation of a new employee manual. I have to be out or nearly out before anyone can donate time to me.

If I go unpaid, I have to pay the county the full balance of our insurance premiums ($1200 per month) in addition to our portion ($170 per month) to maintain our health insurance. So not only do I not get to leave my job and spend quality time with what will be my last child, I'll have to return to work so that we can still afford to go to the Doctor and get medicine and pay bills. It's just not what I want to do, but it is what I have to do. I'm just trying to reconcile myself to this fact and it isn't helping my mood.

We've had a few other minorly annoying things pop up. Chas is confident we can resolve them, but in my current state of mind, I just worry and worry and worry.

Plus both Chas and I have so much to do in order to recover from the fire and move this little family forwards that I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed.

I stitched on the Tree of Hope tonight because I was sorely in need of some hope tonight. I'll just have to brace myself if this is how 2007 is going to be.

I'm grateful for the good things in my life, really I am. Right now, I'm just so tired and tense.