Determination

I will finish my husband's Pitt Panther this month so help me.



I will. I have two days left and I am so close. I don't not want to carry this over into July. Nope. No way.

Garden update

Last night I checked the wildflowers and I have some small pink blooms! Some of the flowers look like they are just about to burst open. I would have taken pictures but it has been very stormy.

I had hoped to take some pictures of most of the blooms in the flower beds, however, when I went outside to garden I discovered that a spider who was clearly a direct descendant of She-lob and possibly Aragog and fallen into one of the empty slots in the plant trays I have outside. The spider's body was larger in diameter than a dime and I'm fairly certain it was birthing lots of little mini Lob's as both Chas and I were certain that we saw tiny spiders.

Spider did not always bother me. I find their webs fascinating. Unfortunately, our area seems to be overrun with them. Our house generally looks like a haunted house due to the massive number of webs covering the outside. I think they have decided that this is a good place to feast on lakeflies. The result of having so many spiders around is that I have been bitten several times in the past few years. I had no quarrel with spiders until they began targeting me.

So I begged my husband to get rid of the monster spider and I fled. No gardening this weekend. No pictures of said garden. Still just a little too creeped out to venture back into the wild.

Fairy Doors

Apparently Ann Arbor is a hot spot for fairies. I'm sure I didn't see that on the map of all fairy transport locations in the Artemis Fowl Files.

The details on the doors are wonderful. Some of them mimic the doors to the big people buildings in which they are found.

Best of all, you must see the fairy banditos and read how they plan to catch the faes.

Fairy Day Progress

Here is my progress on Star Fae after a weekend of stitching.

The wings are nice and sparkly but it doesn't show up in the scan. Back to Frog Prince today for the SAL.

I kind of miss her though...

Musical Obstacles

It is very difficult to play the flute while laughing at your husband cavorting through the house playing the tamborine your four year old daughter handed him so that the three of you could have a parade.

Very tricky.

I didn't need to see that...

It started when Dana put up that very dangerous question: Who are your favorite designers?

Many of us listed lots of familiar designers, our tastes provide some variation, but mostly I saw known designers.

Then Heather posted a link to Ink Circles, which I really, honestly didn't need to see. The Garden Stars and Sea Stars are beautiful. I could use many of my special silks for either of these designs. They are so dynamic and flowing.

I have too many designs to ever finish in my lifetime. I can't add many more to my wish list, right?

So far, Angie has shown no interest in stitching so I can't assume she'll finish them for me when I've gone....

But I love Garden Stars.

The Mandalas are beautiful too.

Musical Interlude

I sent Chas out for a break away from Angie (he is a SAHD) and to put gas in the car (because our breaks are largely functional).

Angie wasn't quite sure what she wanted to do tonight. We played piano, but she didn't want me to play the piano. Only she could drink tea, and so on. So I brought out my flute.

We pulled the flute up from a dark corner in the basement in the winter so that I could start playing again. We're hoping that it will once again help my pathetic lungs and cut down on my asthma attacks. And so the flute has sat in the office, untouched until tonight.

My initial panic was that I seem to have forgotten how to read music. Maybe it was that my rusty brain could no longer coordinate finger positions and follow the music at the same time. Maybe it will return with practice and the finger charts I have. I couldn't tell if the sound was off because it's out of tune, or because I don't have the wind power to sustain some of the notes. I haven't played the flute since my sophomore year of college so I don't know what I was expecting.

I could not remember how Fanfare sounds so I tossed it. My high school Alma Mater returned to my memory fairly quickly. The only music I have in the house are the old hand transcribed pieces from high school marching band. I even have Mr. Wilson's rules for band camp tucked in with everything else.

There was the horrid "Go For It" which has those ridiculously high notes I could never reach. Classics for Marching Band such as "Hang on Sloopy" and "Evil Ways." "Long Train Running" seems to have disappeared. I recall it really only had three or four notes rearranged throughout it--it was one of the first songs I memorized every year.

The wooziness that always accompanies my initial attempts returned but I made a noble effort at playing for roughly a half hour. Angie wanted to play. She kept insisting that I share. Hmph. She liked the trills the best I think. So did I .

I'll try to play at least once a week. I think given my life right now, even that is ambitious.

It was either this or a Pixie

What type of Fae are you?

I suppose either one is reasonably accurate since it covers both good and bad characteristics.

Today I have been crabby fairy, which I don't think was an option.

Chatelaine Updates

I haven't posted my Chatelaine WIPs in a very long time so I made an effort to take pictures today (since they are too big for the scanner).

GTK is complete through part four as I posted earlier. Didn't I tell you? Those yellow Rhodes Stitches make me think of sunshine every time I see them. The photo is a little dark, but you get the idea. My only regret is that I did not think to do three initials instead of two.


I keep thinking I'm farther along with JG than I actually am. I need to get busy on it if I have any hope of finishing it this year. I want to fill in all those holes with the specialty stitches, but I know they'll just look fuzzy if I do. I need to stay motivated so that I can move back to the special stitches soon.

Not bad.

I got a 90% on the Farscape Primer test!
Click here! to take it

Considering I haven't watched it in a while. The goggles question threw me.

A sci-fi show I would absolutely watch

We were cleaning around the study today when I re-discovered the printed version of this post. It never fails to make me smile because even the best sci-fi shows crosses the line at least once (usually far more often).

My personal favorites:

"Leaving the occasional dangling plot thread to be picked up on again later is great for building story arcs. Allowing the occasional mystery to remain mysterious is good for verisimilitude. And introducing tiny, strange, unexplained elements here and there to be used as possible story hooks later on is fun. But I will not go overboard with this. When I have more possible story seeds than I have stories, it's well past time to start tying those plot threads together."

"My villains will have lives apart from chasing after Our Heroes. They will also have reasons for chasing after Our Heroes other than "he tasks me, and I shall have him!" That doesn't work for anybody but Khan. Or, OK, Ahab."

"I will not name alien life-forms by putting an adjective in front of an Earth-critter's name (e.g. "Tiberian bat"). I will also not create alien figures of speech by taking a well known English-language cliche and replacing some of the words with made-up alien syllables."

And the finest principle on the list:

"Warrior women will keep their vulnerable areas covered."

Temptation

So there is this nice little Fairy Stitch a Long at the HAED board.

And I'm perfectly content to stitch Star Fae. Really I am. I even managed to stitch some sparklies tonight during the Stargate block on the sci fi channel (lower case because I am still just a little bitter that they cancelled Farscape). It looks lovely and the fabric is perfect.

But I here JG calling me ever so softly, luring me away. I'm itching to go back to the border again. Maybe work on the last garden and ornament.

I think I can make it until Tuesday. Maybe.

Clearly, the world will not end if I just put a few stitches in JG. Just to let her know she's not forgotten.

Worst habit discovered:

Need to control and fix things. Dear Jeanette unintentionally pointed it out to me in a post on CBB. She was very kind about another of my young cousins being deployed and said, "Make this an important opportunity to learn to 'let go'. Definitely beyond your control. On the other hand, it doesn't hurt to bend the ear of the Mother Goddess, she certainly will understand.Know my prayers are added too." (Thanks Jeanette!)

But there it is staring in me in the face: I can't stand it when things are beyond my control. I'm always at odds with things because I can't let go. I need to fix, protect, shape or reshape to suit my opinion of what is right.

Let go. So very hard to do.

I remember reading Pilgrim's Progress and reaching the stage where the pilgrim left things to God. A prayer book I have buried somewhere in the basement has a lovely prayer about leaving troubles to God. All so soothing. And so hard for me to continually maintain that state of mind. I try, and maybe acheive that sense of peace for a brief spot, then something happens and I feel the need to be more active. And that carries over to times in which there is nothing I can actually do. I become restless and filled with worry.

See. WIP.

A flurry of starts and SAL progress.

I haven't posted much, but I did manage to find some time for stitching amidst all the birthday hooplah.

1. I have stitched on Frog Prince for every Wednesday SAL. Angie is really eager for this deisgn. I asked her yesterday what she wanted me to stitch and she said, "Angie and the Froggie!" And laughed gleefully. I'm doing well, I'll just be glad to have the top section done. I'd like to be able to show Angie the girl and the frog, rather than just blobs of color.


2. I started Pegasus and Castle Bubble. I love it. This will be so beautiful when done. I prefer to tent stitch these over ones because it cuts down on my stitching time and isn't quite so bumpy. Fudgey seems to think it might negatively affect the bubble shape if I tent everything. I may just do the background as tent and cross the bubbles. Dana also suggested adding sparkly fiber to the bubbles as it cries out for something sparkly. I thought maybe these designs were too busy for a bit of sparkle, but now I think I will stitch it as charted and then add sparkly bf where I think it needs it. Obviously, I'm far away from such weighty decisions.

3. I have also started Ballet Pigs. I couldn't resist. I needed a bit of a break from the rich tones in Frog Prince and also wanted a bit of whimsy. I love them. I also love that of the quick stitches that I've recently started, it is probably the quickest. You are looking at the top row from end to end. I can imagine how the entire design might drive a stitcher to some sort of alcohol use, but I love this little dancing piggy. Can't wait til I actually reach the little dancing pig!

Fairy Day SAL

In honor of Fairy Day , I am stitching Star Fae for the HAED extended stitch a long. This morning I realized that the pigs in Ballet Pigs have wings and therefore could have qualified for the sal. Oh well. I love a new start.

Here is my before picture.

I have put a few stitches in it (almost completed one full ten by ten square) and I love it! I think I will thoroughly enjoy the next few days of stitching.

My Joy: The Birthday Girl

Four years ago, I woke up and immediately thought, "This is the last day we will wake up and not be parents."

She is my wild child, my hummingbird and my joy.

We are so lucky.

Random Bloggery from A to Z

I found this on a friend's blog and made one modification to include a stitching related item (and because the actual item is quite frankly no one's business regardless of my answer).

accent: Midwestern with a slight Southeastern Ohio hitch every now and then.
booze: Rarely. Every few months Baileys with milk.
chore I hate: All of them. I don't discriminate.
dogs/cats: None.
essential electronics: Computer, central air, dvd player, car.
favorite perfume/cologne: Aveda blend air and water # 3 or #5 (it's been a while).
gold/silver: Silver--seems cleaner and less cluttered to me. (Can I say platinum?)
hometown: A small town in Southeastern Ohio
insomnia: Not as much and not as severe as I used to experience.
job title: Magistrate
kids: Angie, age 4
living arrangements: Rent a small home.
most admired trait: I honestly don't know. Someone called me a "cheerful giver" once. I think I'm a very flawed creation but I do try to improve (hence blog name).
number of wips: Beyond twenty if I include UFOS. See the side bar for my active rotation (14 yikes!).
overnight hospital stays: Four. Reyes Syndrome in the Fifth grade. Unidentified abdominal infection in the 11th grade. Complications from Gallbladder surgery in 2000. Surprise c-section in 2002 with DD.
phobia: I can barely say this out loud or speak it--Fear of my child dying.
quotes: I think my most memorable quote is from the infamous road trip to Texas: "Every girl should know how to hoop-de-doo." This refers to affixing the luggage carrier to the top of the rental suv, but after very little sleep and a long drive, said statement is hilarious.
religion: United Methodist. Currently not attending but still believing
siblings: Two brothers, one step-sister, two sisters in law and one brother in law.
time I usually wake up: 6:55am--grudgingly.
unusual talent: Again, drawing a blank. Maybe my sheer silliness and absurdity?
vegetables I refuse to eat: I like most vegetables but will rarely eat radishes, tomatoes and beets. Forget about greens and brussel sprouts.
worst habit: To many to list. Selfish. I don't let others get too close to me.
x-rays: The Reyes Syndrome, the abdominal infection and the ruling out of the pulminary embolism after the gallbladder surgery. I don't think I've had any others unless you count the dental x-rays.
yummy foods I make: I make? Bwaaa-haaaa-haaaaa. Hubby has banished me from the kitchen because I am dangerous to myself. I can handle baking frozen taquitos. Long ago I made great bread and cinnamon rolls from scratch.
zodiac sign: Scorpio.

Date with DH

Last night after the fourth birthday hoopla had ended, Chas and I left Angie with her paternal grandparents so that we could enjoy some time alone. Maybe it was unfair of us. After all, we were all completely exhausted after the party--the heat and all the activity did in everyone. However, Angie actually played with Grandpa to his delight and they were stunned when we returned because they had not realized three hours had passed. I guess it wasn't bad after all.

Chas and I stopped at the Home Depot near the theater to search for portulacas. No luck.

Then on to the Theater to watch X-Men 3. Not a bad movie. Just not as good as the first two--Although it was great that Storm had a larger part in this one. Cyclops was completely shafted though. Poor guy. I don't know that the stark contrast between this movie and the previous installments can be blamed entirely on the departure of Brian Singer, but something was definitely different this time. Not that it was a bad movie, just not as great as the first two. I did love pheonix.

Chas and I both agree that this is not the best of the X-Men movies. However, I prefer the first movie while he prefers the second. Chas likes less character introduction and more focus on pure story. I like the intro of the characters backgrounds and I think that the movies have gotten more progressively Classic Comic Bookish. Which isn't really a bad thing. I just liked that in the first movie, the characters seemed like real people with amazing powers. With number three, the violence was just classic unreal comic violence.

I think we'll try to see what Brian Singer does with Superman.

Back to JG

Reinspired today by Mathstitcher, I picked up JG again and worked on one of the crane cameos. No photos yet (I know that no longer comes as a shock to anyone actually reading this blog).

Now I have a dilemma. I wanted to use Rajmahal art silk for the black of the cameo, but two strands does not cover enough to tent and I wanted to tent. The art silk, being part rayon, makes me want to pull my hair out. I do not like the appearance of the black npi when compared to the art silk, even though the tenting goes much faster (when I don't make a mistake--there was much frogging today). If I tent, I don't think the cranes will look right, especially their legs. If I go back to the art silk and use four strands and use a wet towel to try to control it, will I run out? And what do I do since the store from which I purchased the art silk no longer carries it?

My plan right now is to use the art silk and tent with four strands only the background of the cameo. Then I will uses full crosses for the cranes. Maybe I should stitch the cranes first.

I do love JG. I really hope to finish it this year, but it doesn't look good at this rate.

Rationale for a purchase.

I recently bought the HAED quick stitch design "Our Angel" by Sarah Butcher. It is unusual for me because I'm not really an angel person. (Wow that is so true on many levels.)

Everything about this piece reminds me of those fleeting moments of joy and sadness and the discovery of my most recent pregnancy and it's end. That image says both hello and good bye for me, love and sorrow, longing and peace. It is in her posture, the way she cups the heart, so close to her womb.

It was released just around the time I miscarried and though I know that is not what the work is about, it just completely seemed to sum up my feelings.

Anyway, I just wanted to note somewhere, why I purchased this design. Someday I will look at this design and wonder why the heck I bought an angel. This is why.

GTK parts one through four complete!

Now I am done throught part four (except for thse pesky corners, but I'll figure out how to fill them later). I'll post a picture of GTK tomorrow. Tonight is double Gymboree (we well just have to see how that goes) I'm pleased that the stitching is done just in time for the Wednesday QS SAL at HAED. I moved GTK out of the travel bag and returned Frog Prince supplies to their places.

No pictures yet of course. Probably none for a few weeks as we are heading in the the Angie Birthday party season which involves a week long visit from MIL, shopping, decorating, partying and recovery. The added bonus is that my Brother, SIL and niece and nephews will come for a few days too.

However, here are a few random stitching thoughts:

1. I love stitching with silks. It is so nice to go back to silk after stitching with the DMC from the HAEDs.
2. Never doubt Martina's sense of color. It is flawless. Which leads too...
3. The yellow rhodes stitches in the boarder gives the impression of sunshine on a field of vines. No scan will ever do this justice. It is gorgeous.

And a few changes:

1. I did not outline all of the snail, I outlined what looks like it was to be the shell and the little antennae, but the body is bare, so to speak. I used the purplish shades from Bark for the snail's outline.
2. I re-did the Bark sheaf stitches eliminating the purple and paler shades. It looks much better than the picture posted.
3. I have decided against using my old grape jewelry. I'm not fond of gold and I just didn't like them with the stitching. I will be creating grape with beads instead.

It is just gorgeous. Once I survive the next few weeks, I'll be posting a picture.

GTK

I'm almost done with GTK through part 4. I have probably one half hour left of the rhodes stitches and then I can move on to part five. At this stage, I will just prep the fabric and do the cross stitching. If I finish the Rhodes now, they will be fuzzy by the end.

As a reward, I will start four of my HAED Quick Stitches over the rest of the month:

1. Our Angel
2. Ballet Pigs
3. Star Fae
4. Pegasus and Castle Bubble
I know how to dole out the rewards don't I?

More Stitching

I have been stitching like a madwoman on Frog Prince 3 over the last few days and here are my results: Not bad for just a few weeks. I have to say that this Gustafson is reminding me of Teresa Wentzler with all the confetti stitching. I may need to take a break from it even though I'm enjoying watching it come together.

And here is Dad's Santorini:

Also looking very nice. I've almost completed the first page. I am not a true page by page stitcher, or a ten by ten, or cross country stitcher. I'm some combination of the three.

I'll be stitching on it next week. If I stay focused I think I can finish it by the fall. If you look closely you can just make out it's width and then there are about 6 to 9 more rows to do.

If I finish the first four parts of GTK this week I'll be posting another picture of that, but since it is larger than my scanner, I'll just wait for better light to actually photograph it. If I finish the cross stitching on part 5, I will reward myself with starting a new qs (or three).

I'm allowed to be a little sad right?

I know this is just a miscarriage and that compared to friends and family, it's not a devastating loss, but I'm still a little sad. We will try again and my spirit isn't crushed. This isn't an enormous loss, but I'm still a little achy for the tiny person who could have been.

We haven't told our families yet, if we ever do. We're trying to keep it in perspective and don't want to upset them unnecessarily. And yes, to me it feels a little weird not saying anything.

It's okay to feel just a little sad for a bit longer right? It's only been a week. I'm not being overly melodramatic to feel a little upset still? How do you gauge the appropriate level of grief?

Wonky Thyroid Absolved of Guilt.

Well Doctor N's Office just called and told me that the thyroid would not have caused the miscarriage but the pregnancy likely caused the dip.

I feel better and worse.

If it had been the thyroid, then I would have had something tangible to address the next time we get pregnant so that I could try to prevent another miscarriage.

It's good in that I can stop blaming myself for not picking up on the thyroid signs, addressing it and thereby saving the little baby to be.

So I guess I'm back to Dr. B's hypothesis that this type of miscarriage occur in one in five pregnancies and are usually the body's way of dealing with a pregnancy that is not forming correctly and there is nothing more to be done.

At Least the Color is Nice.

The higher dose: Violet.

Says so right on the information sheet from the pharmacist.

I feel slightly more functional and less foggy today so hopefully with a few more doses in my system, I'll be back to my version of normal soon. I hadn't realized how clouded I was until Dr. N's office told me my dose needed changing. Looking back, I realize that I had been increasing the daily caffeine intake by quite a lot and my hands had been ridiculously dry (think consistency of tissue paper). I should have suspected something. Of course I was cloudy and so was not picking up on the signals.

I still wonder if this change caused the miscarriage or if the pregnancy caused the change (which then still might have caused the miscarriage). Dr. N. wasn't in yesterday so I'll try her office tomorrow.

A good idea

I am using the wisteria for GTK instead of the blue I purchased with the kit from ECS. So I have this nice piece of 32 count pale blue linen that is 8 x 7 and no idea what I could stitch on it. Then tonight I had a breat idea: it will fit the Ballet Pigs qs perfectly! Now I just need to kit the threads and I'll be set to start something else.

June Stitching Goals

1. Finish stitching the last zen garden and corner element in JG.
2. Complete the blue portion of the border in JG.
3. Complete one crane section in JG.
4. Complete one blue and gold ornament in WG.
5. Complete another set of pillar/gate in WG.
6. Finish the special stitches for parts 1 of GTK.
7. Complete part 5 of GTK.
8. Complete part 5 of Midi 1.
9. Start kit and prep fabric for Midi 2 (if we get the materials list).
10. Stitch part 2 of MTM.
11. Stitch on Springtime roses.
12. Stitch the dragonfly in purple for a friend.
13. Finish the hands, face, hair, fan and obi on mom's Japanese Lady.
14. More flowers on the Japanese Lady.
15. Finish the kimono on the Japanese Lady.
16. Stitch at least 26 ten by ten squares on the Santorini project for my Dad.
17. Finish the surprise for my DH.
18. Stitch at least 20 ten by ten squares on the Frog Prince 3.
19. Prep fabric and kit Star Fae, complete 2 ten by ten squares.
20. Do the final charting and start stitching on the sampler I'm doing for a friend.

That should keep me out of trouble.

Ending the week with the Doctor....

Doctor Who that is.

Chas and I were not thrilled with the beginning of tonight's episode. Neither of us actually like reality t.v. and so we weren't enthralled with the initial premise. It appeared to be, "Grunt. Reality T.V. bad. Evil." Which always seems to be code for, "We don't like reality t.v. because the script writers have less work." Fair point, but not very entertaining as the plot of a 45 minute episode.

Fortunately, it was taking us somewhere. Very good episode, but dagnabbit, next week is the season finale. It's good because we'll be able to see it before the family descends for Angie's birthday (although technically it may be an ascension since we are farther north than everyone else). But it's bad because I lose Christopher Eccleston. I adore him as the Doctor.

Tom Baker was Dr Who for years and I only get 13 episodes with the delightful Christopher Eccleston?

Blame it on my thyroid?

So last week, I asked the pharmacist to call my doctor to renew some prescriptions when I picked up one of my prescriptions. Over the weekend, Target called to say that some of the prescriptions are in, but that Doctor N wanted my thyroid tested before issuing a new prescription.

During this time the OB/GYN obviously was testing me to see what my hcg levels. I tried calling Dr. N to coordinate the thyroid test so that I wouldn't become a complete pin cushion, but they had all left by the time I called.

On Tuesday, the nice lab ladies told me that though they couldn't draw for thyroid without Dr. N's referral in hand, they would use some of the blood drawn originally for the hcg for a thyroid test if I could get the referral faxed that morning. Thanks to the nice receptionist at Dr. N's, everything was apparently coordinated so that I didn't need to be stuck a third time in one week.

Today, Dr. N's office called to say that my levels were abnormal again and my medicine had to be increased. I'll need to be tested again in six weeks. Of course I don't know this until I get home, and it's too late to call the Doctor.

Then my brain starts thinking.... I know that a wonky thyroid can affect over all fertility, could it cause a miscarriage?

Made to Miscarry

Thyroid Disorder and Miscarriage

Hypothyroidism and pregnancy

I'm over 35 and I should have been approaching this much more carefully. We figured we would only worry if we went for a year of trying without success. I should have gone with my instincts and spoken to a doctor first. I knew we shouldn't wait so long.

Sometimes I'm such an idiot.

I have questions, and I don't know if Dr. N still has office hours on the weekend.

So were my levels down prior to conception and that caused the miscarriage?

Or did they drop while pregnant and that caused the miscarriage?

I was going to stick with the nice Dr. who saw me for the miscarriage, but now I don't know if I should go to someone with a high risk practice on the basis of one miscarriage, which may have been from chromosomal defect or from my wonky thyroid.

Dr. Snobbery?

One other thing about my miscarriage:

I was bad and didn't see the ob/gyn after the okay to return to work. For a variety of stupid reasons but the gist is that I didn't see them for about three years.

When I started having problems I called them and they told me that they couldn't see me because I was considered a new patient again.

Fine. But it's an emergency.

You're still a new patient. Do you want to see a doctor in this other related practice.

Uh yeah, because it's an emergency.

So, I think I'll stick with the doctor who somehow managed to squeeze me in while I was having a miscarriage, rather than go back to the practice where one doctor made me completely uncomfortable and they can't see me when I'm having an emergency. I understand that they have a busy practice and need to draw limits, but I'd rather go to the place that is willing to take me in on short notice.

QS SAL Progress

This picture shows the progress from both stitching over the long weekend and yesterday's QS SAL at the HAED board.

Saturday I watched "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" while stitching Frog Prince. My goal was 4 ten by ten squares and with the tent stitch, I met that fairly easily. I was good and stopped to stitch on my other WIPs. It wasn't hard to stop knowing that the SAL would be on Wednesday.

Wednesday I stitched at lunch and for a bit after Gymboree. I had hoped to complete another 4 ten by ten but I didn't quite make it.

Still, it's a nice amount of progress for only the first week, actually only three days of stitching. I plan to keep stitching on this through Saturday, when I'll switch to GTK.

Misnomer

Spontaneous?

Ummm. Not really.

At least seven days of pain and other fun stuff.

Nothing spontaneous about it.